God Bless Us, Every One

Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas! No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here! We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f**king Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of a**holes this side of the nuthouse!

-- Clark W. Griswold (Chevy Chase)

Know your limitations

This week the matriarch of the Duggar Family was rushed to hospital with a gallbladder attack during her 19th pregnancy.

Yup, you read it right NINETEENTH.

Now the Duggars have come under a lot of scrutiny for their ability to procreate. Ironically, this latest bundle of joy with only be months older than it's neice or nephew, as the eldest Duggar and his wife are expecting their first child later on in the year.

While some people critisize the logic of having so many children for a variety of reasons from impact on the environment to the mother's health, I come from a completely different place.

How do they stay sane?

I have two and thank God just about every day for them. But honestly, I would be bound and locked in a padded cell if I had to look after more than say 5 in a given day and it would be the end of the world as we know if it I had to care for them every day.

You see, I feel I have reached my limit. Baby factory closed at 2. Always wanted a pair, and was blessed to get two healthy ones, so we're going to leave it at that.

This fact was acentuated for me last week during Second Born Son's hockey team's Float Building Party. Half way through the festivities, I was barking orders like a drill sargeant as I couldn't contain myself any more. Watching the variety of antics and near miss opportunities for trips to emerg resulted in my overwhelming urge to provide some structure to the chaos.

Ironically, there were parents all around. No one was speaking up. Do I really care that I now have the label of Manager/Mommy from Hell? Not overly. No one got hurt. A couple of kids who needed to slow down a pace or two, did. We avoided any unnecessary nastiness and even managed to distribute some karma.

On the way home I envisioned myself as a mother of six kids, or even four. And my mind went blank. Not because I was thinking of menu options - but simply because the idea of being responsible for all those little lives is completely overwhelming.

So while in the Duggar household each little life is a "blessing". I will stick with the two I have.

And feel more than blessed enough!

That Helpless Feeling

I wish there was something we could do. Something we could say, something that we could go back and change or give forward to prevent what has happened.

There are very few times we are unable to take the simple step of helping someone in need - and when that happens, it is truly a horrible feeling.

Know that we are with you, supporting you and defending you. Keep fighting the good fight - you have a legion with you.

s

The Great Debate of Our Time - Team Edward or Team Jacob??

Count me in amongst the hoards of people clamouring to see New Moon. I finished reading the second book in the Twilight series last spring and have been holding off to see the movie before moving on to the next installment.

It's funny to see the reaction to this flick. So many people want to put it down, write it off as fluff, and there there are the legions of young girls who are reacting with Beatlemania enthusiasm.

And my 13-year-old niece is one of them.

She called me last night to say she had just seen New Moon and with a breath that seemed to last forever sheproceededtotellmejusthowmuchshelovedthemovieandshewouldpickJacoboverEdwardanyday,whatdoyouthinkAuntieSarah???

I paused and thought - boy, are we screwing up a entire generation of women...

These girls are going to grow up thinking boys are SUPPOSED to want you with such a deep burning desire that they are willing to fore sake their own needs and desires, just to be with you.

Shee-ya. Good luck with that sister!

These young men will also have the unrealistic expectation thrust upon them that they need to put up with all kinds of drama, mind games and attitude, and then - they should LIKE it! If you love a girl, you will be OK with your feelings being tested, your relationship strained and your hormones tightly and securely in check.

Do you see a problem here, because the last time I was of an age to worry about dating, not too many of the guys were that tuned into a girl's innermost thoughts and feelings - so unless something serious has changed in the past two decades....

Right - I didn't think so!

So is it a double standard for "older" women such as myself to enjoy these flicks? Honestly, I think it's a case of looking at what many of us idealize as the perfect relationship and to put it in context with our own views of love.

In short - a girl can dream, can't she?

Cry Baby!

I don't apologize for protecting my kids.

Most parents don't have that problem when faced with the obvious - strangers, killer plagues, running with scissors.

It gets a little more complicated when it comes to the social mores with bullying. A complex, twisted existence, the Bully manages to isolate the victim with an intricate web of lies, half truths and intimidation, backed up by the promise of violence, or even worse, embarrassment.

My son has suffered at the hands of a bully, or two. One has made his existence a miserable one and it wasn't until this year that he has been able to handle the torment.

So who enables the bully? The collection of victims who operate at his beck and call in the vain effort to avoid becoming the next subject of humiliation. The variety of adults who turn the other way, avoid taking responsibility and offer excuses for his behavior.

I charge you all with guilt by association. Feel proud that you are now no better than a pre-pubescent punk who has nothing more going for him than his bad attitude.

Sincerely,

Mother of a Momma's Boy

Tales from the First Table Beside the Dance Floor

We haven't had the opportunity to go to a lot of weddings lately - mostly because we are in that dry spell between all of our friends finishing getting hitched, and none of our kids old enough to say "I do".

So when the invite to K's wedding came mid summer, The Big Guy and I were thrilled. K & J were married last weekend - and it was a beautiful ceremony, followed by a fun reception. But as I took in the festivities, it occurred to me that there needs to be a handbook on how to be a Wedding Guest.

1. Thou Shall be in the Church well before the Bride.
While it's easy to lose track of time, the day of a wedding is not the day to do it. At my wedding, guests tried to wave at me in the car waiting outside the church - only to receive a snarky response from the bride. I mean, after all, I waited years to get to this moment, and NOW you want to have a chat?? Get you ass in a seat people - we have the whole night to catch up!!!

2. Thou Shalt Not give service Play by Play.
It doesn't matter what's going on, a pew is no place to give play by play of the service. "What is he wearing??" "They aren't bad singers." or commentary on the drama involving the groom's aunt the week before the wedding are not suitable topics. The respect the rest of the guests are offering by staying silent makes your commentary about as subtle as mortar fire. Save it for the car ride to the reception.

3. Speak No Evil.
If you are honored enough to be asked to participate in the wedding party, you have to obey the rules of the Wedding Party. The first rule is NEVER EMBARASS THE BRIDE. Awkward stories of the the bride's first intoxicated encounter with the groom aren't likely the best option - considering her beloved grandfather is sitting at the front table and having a difficult time chewing on the notion that his little "Kitten" sucks down beer bongs like nobody's business.

4. Know Your Limit, Drink Within It.
The point of a wedding is to celebrate the joining of two lives. This includes good food, good drink and good company. When Good Drink comes before the rest, you get a couple of interesting side shows. The newlyweds should be the talk of the night, not the drunk co-worker who blacked out on the way to the washroom.

5. Dance like Everyone is Watching.
Let's face it, we all like to cut a rug at a wedding. Even fun ditties like The Chicken Dance have a certain charm that get guests on the floor. While it's great fun to get lost in Whitney Houston's I Wanna Dance With Somebody, one shouldn't forget that your are basically on a stage. This is not the time to bump and grind with your date. It is, however, a good time to spot check your ensemble. Slipping pants, creeping skirts and glimpses of Spanx have no place on a dance floor.

Just doin' my bit to ensure the Bride and Groom are the centre of attention!!!

Miss Manners

There are few times when I am caught with my mouth agape.

This was one of those times.

Not only was she being rude and disrespectful, she was doing so in public.

I was raised that if you needed to have a moment with someone that was less than civil, you removed yourself from the public forum and relocated to a more private locale. This worked particularly well for me, because I don't like witnesses when I'm verbally murdering someone. Ask either of my sons, the cornerstone of my parenting has been, "If you embarrass me, I'll embarrass you!" Incredibly effective.

So here I was faced with a woman who had gone from pleasant and civil to hostile and abrasive, and not only did it happen in less than two minutes, but I had no idea what had transpired between us to ignite such a response. We were talking about (ironically enough) how to communicate with each other. I'm the manager of Second Born Son's hockey team. In this position I'm responsible for ensuring the parents are in the know about developments such as tournaments, game schedules, practices and changes to that schedule.

Out of 16 kids, this woman is the mother of the only child who lives in a household without internet. I agreed to do this job, provided I wouldn't have to be on the phone all night, every night, so my preferred method of communication is email. After a week of failing to locate this mother, (she's a door dropper - leave the kid and come back when he's done....or 20 minutes after that....whatever) I finally ran into her at the first exhibition game of the season. She was annoyed that other parents were "in the loop" and she wasn't. I pointed out that I have tried to reach her at practises, but not seen here. Then she drops the bomb that she actually does have email, but only checks it once a week (what the hell....?) I suggest that I give the child the printed off copies of emails (so she knows EXACTLY what everyone else does)if she would check his bag for them. Keep in mind, these are young children. If she's incapable of stopping in at the area, what makes me think her child will feel onus enough to give his mother the emails?

She snapped the information out of my hands (strike one) spun on her heel (strike two) and walked away while I was in mid convo (strike THREE).

The incident was obvious enough to the people around us that it was commented on. Fortunately, this woman has made enough of a reputation for herself with this type of behavior in the past, that I shouldn't have to worry about what others saw. This is de rigour for this Hockey Mom.

Since last week I've heard a number of anecdotes regarding her antics. I've also experienced a bizarre logic coming from another Hockey Mom who wears the badge of "Single Mom" like a crown. In every conversation had, her situation is the worst, as a Single Mom. I have to bite my tongue from pointing out that she has had the fortunate option of being able to live with her parents in relative security. While her day to day finances are none of my business, she made it my concern when we were discussing hotel accommodations for an upcoming tournament.

"I can't afford $120 a night," she said. "I'm on the internet now and I see rooms for $85 a night."

I try to point out in a delicate way that NO ONE will want to stay in the hotel she has selected with $85 rooms and that all hotels have upped the room rates due to the tournament.

"Well I just can't afford to spend $120. I'm a single mom you know."

YES I KNOW - MAINLY BECAUSE YOU WON'T LET ME FORGET IT!

I don't have the energy in me at this point to suggest that $89 with taxes and fees comes bloody close to $120. As I hang up the phone with her, I do chuckle with the memory of her trucking around the arena with her brand new Blackberry and sharing how she's in touch ALL THE TIME and can get my emails about hockey ALL THE TIME. And let's not start the discussion about the funding needed to finance a Blackberry plan.

Great, can you stand near Rude Momma, because apparently she doesn't have the energy to wander across her living room more than once a week to flip on her computer.

Lookin' forward to the season ahead, I must say!