Thursday, July 15, 2010

In Praise of the Momma Bear

A friend of mine is hurting right now.

Without coming out with an "I told you so", I'm trying to be as supportive as I can. It involves her daughter and a relationship she is just getting out of. The boy she was with is a complex character - he's hurt other people, including First Born Son with his unique talent of bullying and mind games.

When my friend told me last fall they were an "item" she asked me about him. Without hesitation I said "Remember all that stuff I told you happened to FBS and that other kid....HE was the OTHER KID!"

Now there were two options here. She could have said "Dear Gawd, I'll put an end to this at once!" or "Well, let's see how this plays out." She chose the latter since she felt strongly about developing her own opinions and experiences with this teen.

I admitt - I've done this myself. Just because you've had a problem with someone, doesn't mean that I will. Maybe you were hitting him/her the wrong way. Maybe there are other people involved in the problem you are having? Who knows!

But in a more severe case as this, I hope I would be open to listening to someone else's advice. The sad part is, a relationship between these two kids has hurt the friendship between her daughter and FBS as well as strained the friendship the mother and I enjoyed.

Be that as it may - it's over now. The boy in question has now moved into familiar territory, name calling, rallying the troups, poisoning friendships and being hurtful to this girl in particular. Why did things change? Because he found out she was friends with a boy he didn't think she should be friends with! Yes, control issues can be evident before the age of 16!!!

The girl has moved on and is "dating" a boy who is much more stable, low-key and genuinely cares for her. We all know this is supposed to be a carefree time in a kid's life, but the antics of the past few weeks has put a cloud over this girl.

Hopefully she'll learn from the experience and not repeat her mistakes. Because her Ex is bound to repeat them...


  1. What an awful experience for her! But hopefully, learning it young means she won't make that mistake again.

    It sucks when people brush off your warnings, especially when you're trying to help them. I had a boss once ask me out to lunch specifically to ask about another employee. I told him, "He's OK but he'll compromise his work to uphold his personal grudges." And the boss brushed me off with, "Oh, you just don't get along with him." A year later I heard that other employees were telling him the exact same thing I told him.

  2. I've been away for a while and just seeing your comment now - thanks for your comment! Yes, it would seem some people just have to learn these things for themselves!!!