S is for Selfish...

Yes,alive, well and kicking. So a hearty THANK YOU for not giving up on me.

I've given myself some time and space this past month to just see what life has in store for me. Here's what I've discovered....

1. I'm really good at laundry
2. I'm a kick ass cookie baker
3. I'm really glad that if I was going to have a week-long debilitating head cold, I wasn't two weeks in to a new job.
4. If I don't sweep EVERY DAY it looks like there is a molting grizzly bear playing hide and seek in our house.
5. 14 is the magic number

After 14 job applications to any job that remotely interested me, I finally had a call last week for a job interview. The posting is very similar to the last job I had in Not For Profit, so it was a relatively easy chat.

Following a five minute conversation which felt like a lovefest of ME ME ME, I waited to see if I qualified for a face to face interview. I did, and yesterday I made the hour-long drive, 70 km return trip, for the hour and a half meeting. Each mile down the road, I'm thinking about how long this drive seems. How much driving time is going to eat out of my day. How the plan to keep my truck indefinitely will have to be revised since I will be driving the crap out of it.

The office is in an impressive building. I felt like Melanie Griffith in Working Girl. This was the vision I'd have for myself for a long time. Beautiful lobby, elevator, office. Just what a career-oriented person would shoot for - and I'm not going to lie - it felt right.

I feel I did well. Probably because I went in with about as much expectation in getting the job as I did about winning the last seat on the final shuttle mission. So I let it all hang out. No nerves, no stress and no hope in Hell. Could I do the job? Absolutely. Do I want it?

Tap, tap...hellooo? This thing on?
Perhaps it's my previous experience with charitable organizations, but for me the question is the pay. Show me the money. I'm at an age where I won't undervalue myself. I know what my skill set is - I know what I'm capable of. I know what the next step in my career should be.

But I've also had six weeks of home life where I've had a bit of a revelation.

I'm a disappointment. A traitor to the Women's Movement. I like being at home. I find myself keeping very busy around the house. Not just with traditional house work, but with the activities I have long yearned to do and simply not had the time to do. Unpacking and settling the house. Reading. WRITING! I feel more creative than I have in years. Probably because other than being off for the maternity leaves for my two boys, I've never been off work in more than 20 years. By MYSELF.

I have days that I can plan for myself. I have been freelancing like crazy for the local paper and truly enjoy it. I'm spending less on groceries because I'm planning, not reacting to meal time. I actually have "down" time where I can watch a movie without guilt, because I have all my work done. My stress level is barely registering.

It was a long drive home from the interview. Pondering and consider the impact of various options. Calculating my mileage, the in-freaking-sane gas prices and the time away from home. What I will give up if I'm offered the job and accept it. What I will give up if I don't.

I don't know that it will be worth it. And I'm trying not to dwell on it and let the pieces fall where they may. I think part of my warped psyche said if I didn't go to the interview, I would jinx myself from ever getting another one.

Fortunately, The Big Guy is totally supportive. I explained that I want to find a job that excites me. Something that can challenge me and give me the financial reward that will justify my skills and dedication. He gets it. Likely because he finally has that kind of job and understands the satisfaction it brings. And I've seen the postings - the jobs that as I read the description gives me shivers. Yup, I get tingly over job postings. You would too if you'd been on poggie for three weeks.

For now, I suppose I'm putting the price on my head - which means I'm worth more at home right now than I am an hour away.

Gloria Steinem is pulling my Woman Card...

Can you have more than one Wedding of the Century? Just askin'....

I'm a Royalty fanatic - particularly British Royalty. Loved Princess Diana, to the point that a friend and I even went to Toronto to see her collection of dresses when the exhibit was on tour.

So for years I've been waiting for an engagement announcement from Prince William and his long-time accessory - Kate Middleton. You can imagine my annoyance when I discovered in bits in pieces of radio new broadcasts during my move two weeks ago, that he had indeed popped the question.

I didn't have my fibre hooked up yet - I was without TV or computer. Yup - it was ugly.

So my first few days back in the loop saw me scouring for any and all information on the engagement. It wasn't hard to find! Along with the details of the announcement were every Tom, Dick & Harry's take on what they wore and specifically, THE RING.

Let's face it - we girls know it's all about the ring. Even if you aren't a huge jewellry fan - the ring is what tells the world the status of your relationship. The style of the ring tells more about the personalities of the couple, and to some people, the size indicates their affluence.

Kate got Diana's ring. (In case you've been in a cave for the past 30 years - it's a beautiful Sapphire surrounded by diamonds.)

Suddenly, all the experts in the world start spouting off about how the ring is cursed - "Look, Diana wore it - had a miserable marriage that fell apart and then she DIED!" "The ring is a bad omen - will Kate have to worry about a Camilla in her marriage?" "What does Diana's ring mean to Kate and why would William give it to her?"

STOP THE PRESSES PEOPLE
1. A ring is not capable of controlling fate. It was pretty much determined inanimate objects didn't have mystical powers around 400 years ago.
2. Yes, Diana made the ring famous, but she also took it off once she was divorced. It was left to her sons at the time of her death, for them to share and whichever son decided to propose first would have the option of using the ring. William asked Harry and he agreed that Kate should get the ring.
3. William has wonderful memories of his mother. He is a very thoughtful individual - remember this is the man who as a young boy would tuck tissue under the bathroom door for his distraught mother. Suffice it to say - anything he does, he does with purpose.
4. The fact that he gave Kate THE RING says more about the man he has become. While some would thing he's living in the past, I would suggest he's ready to shape the future. If he was tied to the sad mystique of the ring, he would never have given to the woman he wants to be his wife and future queen. It's because he loves the ring, his mother and the memories of his childhood, that he wants to bring these elements together in his future. I'm sure the rest of the Royal Family wasn't thrilled to have THE RING take centre stage - but again - William is proving he is his own man. Brava!
5. Call me crazy, but I'm fairly certain if Kate was opposed to wearing THE RING, she wouldn't be. Any woman with half a brain realizes this is a beautiful piece of jewelry. Kate can give it a happier ending and eventually, it will be known as Kate's Ring.
6. A couple who have been together for eight years (save for one brief break) has nothing in a couple who met and married within 18 months. Prince Charles spent his entire youth dating every eligible (and some ineligible) woman between London and Vancouver in hopes of finding someone willing to put up with his oddities AND the burden of becoming a Queen of England. I must admit - it's ironic how the rules have changed - Lady Di had to prove she was a virgin before her wedding, and yet Kate has basically been living with William for over two years. I'm pretty sure it's not so he doesn't have to worry about late night post date transportation....

Inevitably, there have been comparisons to Diana, and I love the fact that Prince William led the charge by pointing out the ring means his mother could be a part of his engagement experience. Again, as much as the Royal Family would prefer to leave mention of Diana's name to a tacky fountain in a park, her son is bringing it front and centre; as any son would do during such a joyous occasion as a wedding.

I look forward to buying MANY magazines, taking in any TV programs dedicated to the April nuptials and perhaps even picking up a book or two after the fact. I still have the book I bought in 1981 when Diana & Charles were married, back when it was called the Wedding of the Century.

Perhaps the second time is the charm?

The only part of my life that can relate to The Bachelor

I admit, I'm not the best at being in "limbo".

Actually, I really suck at it. I'm a "take charge" kind of personality. Not that I have to be the one at the head of the pack - although I have been. I'm totally ok with adding my pull to someone else's lead.

So waiting for an offer on the house is a bit of a bummer. I remain rather objective about the entire thing - again - what will be, will be. But harping after the kids on summer holidays about keeping the house at roughly 80% cleanliness is tough on the family dynamic. Not to mention, the a/c conked out in the midst of a FREAKIN' heat wave. Not good for showings - or our dispositions.

We have had two viewings in two weeks - both out of town agents, and neither of whom bothered to "report back". Apparently this is very bad form in Real Estate etiquette. We had a near-miss on a bidding war with another buyer who moved in on the house we were looking at. And suddenly, I had a revelation.... This is what it's like to be on The Bachelor.

All these women are vying for the attention of one man. You can tell by the numbers that the odds aren't great - BUT, they are in it for the chance it COULD be them. At some point during the process, it stops being about falling "in luv" and more about being the winner. That's where these experiences are the same.

The sense of entitlement one gets when faced with the prospect of losing out on an opportunity to someone else is rather powerful. The Big Guy and I discussed what our ceiling was, what the value of the property was, what the potential for the property and the neighborhood was. We put in our offer. So did the other couple.

Both offers were returned - apparently they were virtually the same and the vendor is looking to see how far he can take this. We discuss adding to the pot, the fact that we can't remove our condition. We agree to resubmit our last offer and if it ain't good enough, then that's all she wrote.

I chastise myself for getting ahead of the game. You shouldn't covet what isn't yours - and in this case - AND THE BACHELOR - it can result in frustration and even heartache. Don't imagine what Christmas would look like in the living room. Don't fantasize about him proposing - you are still in the "group" phase.

Yesterday our agent called - we got the house. The 30 second happy dance was quickly replaced with - holy shit - we've got to sell THIS house! Ironically, the office called this morning, another showing is booked for this week - that's three shows in three weeks, in case you are keeping track. It's probably asking too much to hope there would be a decent offer....

But after all - there is one girl who gets the ring at the end!

DISCLAIMER - I don't watch The Bachelor, or The Bachelorette - I just pick up enough of what I need to know from the commercials and non-stop crap that is out there on the Internet. I can't afford to lose the few brain cells I have left by actually watching it!!!!

I didn't realize there was a TEST!

Happy Easter everyone!

Tis the season for warmer days, lovely flower bouquets, chocolate and emails questioning if you are a "real" Christian.

Funnily enough, I always thought I was, until I started reading the contents of my Inbox. My "favorite" is the one that lists in graphic detail how Jesus was crucified. Now don't get me wrong - the death of Christ is the cornerstone of Christianity. Christmas is lovely and all - but Easter is the real deal people. (*Note - I find it amusing that Easter Monday is NOT a stat holiday but it is the pinnacle of what it means to be Christian - belief that Jesus rose from the grave.)
So I suppose the blow by blow account of how many litres of blood he shed before it became water is a little to CSI for my liking.

I've also received a number of emails telling me that Satan is the reason I won't forward a religious email. I'm a bad person for forward Wal-Mart emails, if I'm not also going to be an electronic Missionary.

FYI - I also delete the fanatical Muslim emails too - along with the overly crude jokes and boring and unimaginative Dumb Blonde jokes. That doesn't make me a Muslim, a prude or a Blonde. It means I can think for myself thankyouverymuch and I don't appreciate someone judging my faith based on whether or not I hit on an email.

So enjoy the holiday with your family - take in a church service. Hunt for your chocolate eggs. Devour delicious foods and bask in the beautiful weather we are experiencing.

I think that will make you a good enough Christian!

And the Oscar Goes To.......

It's awards season people!!! I for one am thrilled.

I've always loved watching pop culture on display and seeing which movies or songs, actors or singers/songwriters would go down in history.

Imagine my delight when I realized someone in my house enjoyed watching them as much as I did!!!!

No - not The Big Guy - he's ok with a couple of minutes, but after a while his peanut-gallery remarks about someone's 5 o'clock shadow or his unbridled enthusiasm over a starlet's plunging neckline is more than a little distracting and I boot him from the room.

No - this is a gene I have passed on to Second Born Son. It revealed itself last year when the Golden Globes were aired. He realized he could see his favorite actors and they would speak when interviews on the red carpet during the pre shows (of course you MUST watch the pre show!!!) Last year's award season must have stayed with him because when I told him last Sunday that once again the GGs were on - he was thrilled!!

"Can we watch it during dinner?" he begged, as he set the table without being asked.

"Can we watch it after dinner?" he continued as he cleaned up the remainder of his meal in record time.

The funniest moment was not televised, but in my living room when SBS uttered a loud protest.

"Look at THAT!!" he said. "That's CRAP!"

The Big Guy looks at the TV - and struggles to see what is so alarming.

"That! THAT!!! Can't you see that guy THERE!?" SBS charges the TV and points out a camera man during a pan of the audience. "THAT'S just WRONG!" he snuffs with selfrighteous indignation. "You would think they would make sure they didn't get HIM in the shot!"

Have I mentioned lately he just turned NINE????

Noticing his interest in comments made during the interviews in the pre show program - I egg him on a bit.

"You like this awards show stuff huh?"

"Shhhhhush....ya...." he says, eyes never leaving the screen.

"You know, if you want to be an actor, you have to know how to handle an interview." I continue.

(In my best "on air" voice I begin) "We have with us Second Born Son who is nominated for an award tonight. Tell us SBS, what is it like to be at the Golden Globes for the first time?"

He. doesn't. even. miss. a. beat.

"It's great!" he smiles. "I'm really excited to be here!" Well, that was a safe enough answer - let's challenge the boy a little bit.

"And you are the new face of Spider Man - what do you have to say to all of those people who think Tobey Maguire is the only Spider Man." The Big Guy is intrigued now... First Born Son pops out of his room to see what we are doing and promptly turns around when he sees the TV - not such a fan of awards shows.

"I think he did a great job as Spider Man - he was my favorite as a kid (?!?) and I hope people will see the movie and give me a chance to show them the New Spider Man."

Now I have to pause...... Handled that brilliantly. Let's up the anti.....

"Your next movie is with Jim Carrey. Now, some in the industry say Jim is a bit of a Diva - how has it been working with him?"

"Well, I was really excited to work with him and I think it was best when he needed some space, he went his way and then I went my way."

KILLING myself now!!

"I understand you have a plan to work with George Lucas in creating three new Star Wars movies - continuing the story after Darth Vader's death. What was it like working with such a master?"

"It was great - I really enjoyed working with George. We both thought of new things for the next movie - I made up new characters and so did he. It was like we were partners."

Methinks I should have the boy enrolled in acting class....... He's ready for his closeup!!!

A little shy, are we?

The Canadian Federal Government has recently announced that all major airports will soon be fitted with security scanning devices to provide the highest, most technologically advanced screening prior to the 2010 Winter Olympics.

You step into a chamber which then photographs you with your arms either slightly drawn away from your body or in the air. The photograph can read under clothing - basically it's your x-ray spy goggles for Customs Canada.

This new technology is being embraced by security in the United States and has created a furor the likes of which haven't been seen in the travel industry since 9/11. US civil rights organizations are up in arms about privacy issues, violation of human rights, and pretty much everything else that can be used against this move, shy of the Holocaust.

While I would not consider myself a frequent flier, I have travelled enough and seen plenty to realize that if there is something that can be used to make flying safer, it should be implemented.

In short - my right to privacy is usurped by YOUR right to be safe. And I'm completely ok with that. While news broadcasts had to block out the "private" elements of the scan for public viewing, it's safe to say the operate gets an eyeful of each and every passenger over the age of 18. Immediately, opponents are concerned that the images will be saved. That there could be questionable employee viewing of said images.

How much worse is this image option than, say, patting down a passenger. It's gotten to the point that passengers can have a same sex employee pat them down for security purposes, but that's no guarantee they won't go home and have Sweet Dreams after squeezing the produce.

Let me clear this up for you right now. If you need to get your jollies by gazing longingly at my stretch marks, have at 'er. I will still give you that if you can assure me some ass won't get on a plane with anything other than hand sanitizer in his pants pockets.

The Great Debate of Our Time - Team Edward or Team Jacob??

Count me in amongst the hoards of people clamouring to see New Moon. I finished reading the second book in the Twilight series last spring and have been holding off to see the movie before moving on to the next installment.

It's funny to see the reaction to this flick. So many people want to put it down, write it off as fluff, and there there are the legions of young girls who are reacting with Beatlemania enthusiasm.

And my 13-year-old niece is one of them.

She called me last night to say she had just seen New Moon and with a breath that seemed to last forever sheproceededtotellmejusthowmuchshelovedthemovieandshewouldpickJacoboverEdwardanyday,whatdoyouthinkAuntieSarah???

I paused and thought - boy, are we screwing up a entire generation of women...

These girls are going to grow up thinking boys are SUPPOSED to want you with such a deep burning desire that they are willing to fore sake their own needs and desires, just to be with you.

Shee-ya. Good luck with that sister!

These young men will also have the unrealistic expectation thrust upon them that they need to put up with all kinds of drama, mind games and attitude, and then - they should LIKE it! If you love a girl, you will be OK with your feelings being tested, your relationship strained and your hormones tightly and securely in check.

Do you see a problem here, because the last time I was of an age to worry about dating, not too many of the guys were that tuned into a girl's innermost thoughts and feelings - so unless something serious has changed in the past two decades....

Right - I didn't think so!

So is it a double standard for "older" women such as myself to enjoy these flicks? Honestly, I think it's a case of looking at what many of us idealize as the perfect relationship and to put it in context with our own views of love.

In short - a girl can dream, can't she?

Fashion Victim.....

TORN FROM THE HEADLINES OF THE FINANCIAL PAGES.....

Is This the End for CROCS?
BE interactive The company that manufactures CROCS is on the verge of bankruptcy.

CROCS, which was originally founded by Andrew Reddyhoff and Marie-Claude de Billy of Quebec, is in financial crisis.

The American firm that has since bought the brand has been recording significant losses for quite some time. For the second quarter, $30 million in losses was reported and sales were down by 11%.

In 2008, several employees of the company lost their jobs. The third quarter is expected to be much stronger with anticipated sales of $150 million.

CROCS first arrived on the market in 2002. Now, it seems that the shoes are a victim of their own success. Their quality and durability makes them virtually indestructible, leaving no reason for consumers to purchase replacements.

Several stars have also helped to bring the brand's popularity, including Al Pacino, Jack Nicholson, Teri Hatcher, George W. Bush, and many others.

CROCS management have until late September to settle their debts, otherwise, the company will fold.

OR - people figured out they were butt ugly and stopped buying them...I'm just sayin'!

....stay tuned for updates on the hour!

You've got to be thinking that Elvis got off relatively easy.

While The King of Rock and Roll's death in 1977 resulted in a massive outpouring of grief by fans throughout the globe, he wasn't subjected to the 24-7 scrutiny afforded The King of Pop. Results of last week's survey show the majority feel the media circus that was Michael Jackson's death week was largely unwarranted.

The sad part is - there is no end in sight.

This week brings allegations of profound drug abuse (which may have contributed to his death) and almost daily announcements from the Jackson family who alternately ask for privacy and then promote their individual projects. Let's not forget the small matter of child custody. Would Debbie Rowe, the biological mother step forward, or would Jackson's choice - his mother, be allowed to raise his brood?

Now that Jackson's children have been unveiled, they are fodder for the less savory tabloids and tabloid websites. A simply statement made by Paris, Jackson's middle child, and only daughter, has given complete strangers insight into her upbringing; allowing them to be experts into the 11 years she's been alive and giving them permission to conclude what her future will be.

Already the Elvis-esque sightings have begun. Whispers of conspiracy theories and murder charges abound. Don't think this is going to change any time soon.

The question is, should we really care?

The idea of giving Michael Jackson all but a state funeral was a little self serving. Yes, he was an icon. Yes, he did do good work through his charitable donations. But let's not forget that there is a cloud over his legacy. Aside from the obvious legal issues he endured, he has his entire life off the stage after 1997 to defend. If he was a private citizen with a penchant for primates, no one would care. But he wasn't

The promoter of his "comeback" will profit greatly by him even in death. Estimates of sales of the DVD, pay per view and downloads of the service at the Staples Centre are through the roof.

Whether Michael Jackson rests in peace isn't the point - it's how long will he stay in the headlines and how much will he make even in death - now THAT'S worth asking.

I have a feeling its going to be a long ride.....