Cry Baby!

I don't apologize for protecting my kids.

Most parents don't have that problem when faced with the obvious - strangers, killer plagues, running with scissors.

It gets a little more complicated when it comes to the social mores with bullying. A complex, twisted existence, the Bully manages to isolate the victim with an intricate web of lies, half truths and intimidation, backed up by the promise of violence, or even worse, embarrassment.

My son has suffered at the hands of a bully, or two. One has made his existence a miserable one and it wasn't until this year that he has been able to handle the torment.

So who enables the bully? The collection of victims who operate at his beck and call in the vain effort to avoid becoming the next subject of humiliation. The variety of adults who turn the other way, avoid taking responsibility and offer excuses for his behavior.

I charge you all with guilt by association. Feel proud that you are now no better than a pre-pubescent punk who has nothing more going for him than his bad attitude.

Sincerely,

Mother of a Momma's Boy

Tales from the First Table Beside the Dance Floor

We haven't had the opportunity to go to a lot of weddings lately - mostly because we are in that dry spell between all of our friends finishing getting hitched, and none of our kids old enough to say "I do".

So when the invite to K's wedding came mid summer, The Big Guy and I were thrilled. K & J were married last weekend - and it was a beautiful ceremony, followed by a fun reception. But as I took in the festivities, it occurred to me that there needs to be a handbook on how to be a Wedding Guest.

1. Thou Shall be in the Church well before the Bride.
While it's easy to lose track of time, the day of a wedding is not the day to do it. At my wedding, guests tried to wave at me in the car waiting outside the church - only to receive a snarky response from the bride. I mean, after all, I waited years to get to this moment, and NOW you want to have a chat?? Get you ass in a seat people - we have the whole night to catch up!!!

2. Thou Shalt Not give service Play by Play.
It doesn't matter what's going on, a pew is no place to give play by play of the service. "What is he wearing??" "They aren't bad singers." or commentary on the drama involving the groom's aunt the week before the wedding are not suitable topics. The respect the rest of the guests are offering by staying silent makes your commentary about as subtle as mortar fire. Save it for the car ride to the reception.

3. Speak No Evil.
If you are honored enough to be asked to participate in the wedding party, you have to obey the rules of the Wedding Party. The first rule is NEVER EMBARASS THE BRIDE. Awkward stories of the the bride's first intoxicated encounter with the groom aren't likely the best option - considering her beloved grandfather is sitting at the front table and having a difficult time chewing on the notion that his little "Kitten" sucks down beer bongs like nobody's business.

4. Know Your Limit, Drink Within It.
The point of a wedding is to celebrate the joining of two lives. This includes good food, good drink and good company. When Good Drink comes before the rest, you get a couple of interesting side shows. The newlyweds should be the talk of the night, not the drunk co-worker who blacked out on the way to the washroom.

5. Dance like Everyone is Watching.
Let's face it, we all like to cut a rug at a wedding. Even fun ditties like The Chicken Dance have a certain charm that get guests on the floor. While it's great fun to get lost in Whitney Houston's I Wanna Dance With Somebody, one shouldn't forget that your are basically on a stage. This is not the time to bump and grind with your date. It is, however, a good time to spot check your ensemble. Slipping pants, creeping skirts and glimpses of Spanx have no place on a dance floor.

Just doin' my bit to ensure the Bride and Groom are the centre of attention!!!

Miss Manners

There are few times when I am caught with my mouth agape.

This was one of those times.

Not only was she being rude and disrespectful, she was doing so in public.

I was raised that if you needed to have a moment with someone that was less than civil, you removed yourself from the public forum and relocated to a more private locale. This worked particularly well for me, because I don't like witnesses when I'm verbally murdering someone. Ask either of my sons, the cornerstone of my parenting has been, "If you embarrass me, I'll embarrass you!" Incredibly effective.

So here I was faced with a woman who had gone from pleasant and civil to hostile and abrasive, and not only did it happen in less than two minutes, but I had no idea what had transpired between us to ignite such a response. We were talking about (ironically enough) how to communicate with each other. I'm the manager of Second Born Son's hockey team. In this position I'm responsible for ensuring the parents are in the know about developments such as tournaments, game schedules, practices and changes to that schedule.

Out of 16 kids, this woman is the mother of the only child who lives in a household without internet. I agreed to do this job, provided I wouldn't have to be on the phone all night, every night, so my preferred method of communication is email. After a week of failing to locate this mother, (she's a door dropper - leave the kid and come back when he's done....or 20 minutes after that....whatever) I finally ran into her at the first exhibition game of the season. She was annoyed that other parents were "in the loop" and she wasn't. I pointed out that I have tried to reach her at practises, but not seen here. Then she drops the bomb that she actually does have email, but only checks it once a week (what the hell....?) I suggest that I give the child the printed off copies of emails (so she knows EXACTLY what everyone else does)if she would check his bag for them. Keep in mind, these are young children. If she's incapable of stopping in at the area, what makes me think her child will feel onus enough to give his mother the emails?

She snapped the information out of my hands (strike one) spun on her heel (strike two) and walked away while I was in mid convo (strike THREE).

The incident was obvious enough to the people around us that it was commented on. Fortunately, this woman has made enough of a reputation for herself with this type of behavior in the past, that I shouldn't have to worry about what others saw. This is de rigour for this Hockey Mom.

Since last week I've heard a number of anecdotes regarding her antics. I've also experienced a bizarre logic coming from another Hockey Mom who wears the badge of "Single Mom" like a crown. In every conversation had, her situation is the worst, as a Single Mom. I have to bite my tongue from pointing out that she has had the fortunate option of being able to live with her parents in relative security. While her day to day finances are none of my business, she made it my concern when we were discussing hotel accommodations for an upcoming tournament.

"I can't afford $120 a night," she said. "I'm on the internet now and I see rooms for $85 a night."

I try to point out in a delicate way that NO ONE will want to stay in the hotel she has selected with $85 rooms and that all hotels have upped the room rates due to the tournament.

"Well I just can't afford to spend $120. I'm a single mom you know."

YES I KNOW - MAINLY BECAUSE YOU WON'T LET ME FORGET IT!

I don't have the energy in me at this point to suggest that $89 with taxes and fees comes bloody close to $120. As I hang up the phone with her, I do chuckle with the memory of her trucking around the arena with her brand new Blackberry and sharing how she's in touch ALL THE TIME and can get my emails about hockey ALL THE TIME. And let's not start the discussion about the funding needed to finance a Blackberry plan.

Great, can you stand near Rude Momma, because apparently she doesn't have the energy to wander across her living room more than once a week to flip on her computer.

Lookin' forward to the season ahead, I must say!

When God closes a Door, He opens a Window

A chapter of my life has closed and another one is about to open.

They say the average worker will change their career five times during their career. I started out as a writer/photographer. I then morphed into design/group tour sales. This was followed by event planning/relationship building/scavenging/sales for a theatre company.

This last position was a bit of a change for me. I never envisioned myself in theatre. From the beginning, I was a bit of an annomoly, but in time I grew to see myself as a valuable part of the company. I was one of the few who did not have an "arts" background.

After 8 years of music and laughter, it became clear that there was no place for me to grow to within the company. It was a frustrating feeling, one which I can imagine was similar to being in a loveless marriage. My passion for the job was gone. I didn't want to be there, had a hard time being myself and found myself looking for greener pastures.

The last time I left a job, it was after First Born Son was born and I realized the life of a community newspaper reporter was not the most conducive for a family life. It was a difficult decision and yet, I found an amazing job with a Group Tour operator that provided me numerous chances to travel and experience new cultures.

I'm hoping the new challenge I'm about to face will be as rewarding. The new hours will be amazing for my family. No more late nights and traveling across Southwestern Ontario in the middle of the night.

That being said, I'm still sad about my previous position. I would like to rewrite history, but barring that, I'm thinking it's about moving upward and onward!!!

Age is but a Number

I don't have a problem with my age.

Today, I'm 38.

I've never understood the issue some people have with stating how old they are, or in fact, celebrating their birthday. It's an ongoing exchange with my mother when we swing around her birthday in August.

"We'd like to have you in for dinner for your birthday on Sunday," says I.

"OH, you DON'T have to do THAT," says Mom.

"I know I DON'T have to do THAT," I reply. "I WANT to."

"But you are so busy. I don't want you to go to any trouble. It's no big deal." she rationalizes.

Cue crickets.

I have quelled the urge to hand her a peanut butter sandwich and tell her to clean up after herself.

The reason I feel this is important is that kids often have a lot about them. It's great! Christmas, Easter, Halloween, birthdays....etc. But as important as it is for us to celebrate our children, it is equally important for us to show them how to celebrate their elders. Respect those who have gone before. Make them think about giving something to someone else.

So in my family, we celebrate Gramma, Poppa, Cousins, and Aunts and Uncles birthdays. The kids have come to expect it and actually enjoy the idea of marking the occasion.

Is it society's fascination with the young and beautiful that we resist the urge to honor aging? A sad commentary indeed.

I can still remember sitting in the high school gym in my Grade 9 year with the principal on the stage urging the student body to enjoy the next four years (yup - in the OLD days we had a Grade 13!!!) as they would be "best of your life."

I would LOVE to run in to him again. Not only was high school NOT the best four years of my life, but I feel I'm just ramping up into them! Aside from the arrivals of my sons, I do feel that my best days are coming. Time brings more confidence, insight, perspective and intuition that I would have KILLED for in my teens.

So don't hide your age. Celebrate another year here! Enjoy the BIG slice of cake. This acceptance is the greatest gift you will ever give yourself!

Wrapping up the Game of Summer

Thanks for you patience! It's amazing how time flies when you have a little drama in your life.

Things are settling down nicely and my little family is switching gears from softball (First Born Son's team won B side - Second Born Son plays his A Championship game tonight) to hockey.

Unfortunately, these sports seem to overlap. While the people I'm involved with in the Ball world are very accommodating and trying to adjust playoff games with hockey tryouts, it would seem getting hockey coaches to be as considerate is vastly more challenging.

I found out the hard way earlier this year as the Asst. Coach for FBS' team that when explaining to parents that ball was to be a competitive sport, they simply didn't see it that way.

To me, this was astonishing. I have always played softball in a competitive manner. That's not to say I'm vicious, but I do take it seriously. I can't see the point of playing any sport if you aren't going to make a solid effort.

However, it was very apparent to me at the end of the day that Hockey is truly the serious sport in my community.

Until this week....

That's when the Squirt Boys were faced off in a 3 out of 5 series. We won the first game, lost the second. Won the third, lost the fourth. This forced us into a sudden death situation in Game 5. Fortunately, the squad came through for us, but it was humourous to see the parents getting almost as emotional as they do in hockey games.

Here's hoping the Mites can do the same tonight in their Game 5!!! GO MITES!

To Your Health

You never realize how important your health is until it's in jeopardy. I personally want to thank everyone for paying their taxes, as the health care portion has definitely come in handy in the past few days.

We spend so much of our day to day lives concerned with the normal stresses - paying bills, working, taking care of our families, that we don't appreciate our health. The old saying is true, "If you don't have your health, you don't have anything!"

It's also remarkable to me to see how people step up to help in times of need. Both family and friends have offered help, extended a hand and offered support. It is appreciated more than you know.

Eat your veggies, take your vitamins and whatever you do - listen to your body. Make sure you push for more answers and don't be afraid to get a second opinion. There is nothing wrong with getting a fresh set of eyes and putting your mind at ease.

Sante!