Royal Wedding Part II - Recap - Part II

SIGH - so more than my sister reads this site because I've had a couple of people say "What.The.Hell?"

SO - FINE! You want blow by blow.... pull up a comfy chair sunshine, cuz you are about to get numb-bum.

THURSDAY MAY 20
Leave work early and get the boys packed to head to the hotel. The Big Guy is already gone to pick up the "Wish Tree" at a nearby nursery that we are making double-duty as a wedding gift (Butterfly Magnolia) and decor item. My contribution was research saying it is a Dutch tradition to make wishes for the bride and groom and tie them to a tree. I'm thinkin' "PERFECT" this tree will ROCK! Mom and I spend about an hour and three trips to a ribbon store (two weeks prior) to get enough ribbon for all Little Sister's guests to scribble down their best wishes to the Bride and Groom. Since the Groom's parents are "off the boat" Dutch, we all agree this is a nice way to incorporate something from their heritage without being overly stereotypical.....or have the bride wear wooden shoes....

After check in and settling the stuff in our room, the boys and I are back on the road to the rehearsal only minutes away. The Big Guy has joined us and we are very excited. The minister is caught in traffic coming out of T.O. so we entertain the troops. First Born Son and Second Born Son along with TBG are 'ushers' in that they will help people to their seats, but not stand at the front. Instead, they will join my parents in very comfy leather chairs right at the front of the congregation. The hall is beautiful with the centre aisle lined with large wooden pillars made by C2 (the groom). Each pillar has a large ivory candle and either a soft green bow or chocolate brown bow.

Finally the officiant is here and we have the bride, bridesmaids, groom, best man (groom's father) and ring bearer (groom's son). The sound man is missing, as is the videographer, but it's now roughly 10 minutes to bedtime for my kids and all the younglings are getting restless, so we go on without them.

After a quick snack at a nearby restaurant, my boys head back to the hotel with their father and I head back to LS's house with the girls. We walk in the door and just about weep. Apparently out of town guests didn't clean up after themselves and we are faced with a house in shambles. LS puts the girls to bed and I start cleaning. At 1:30 a.m. we finally fall into bed ourselves, after doing dishes, cleaning, printing and assembling bulletins for the wedding (a job someone else was to do, but "just didn't get around to.")

FRIDAY MAY 21
Morning comes far too early. I hear the sounds of little feet in heels practicing the stride we are using to walk down the aisle IN THE BATHROOM. We all grab a bowl of cereal and head out for a morning of pampering. LS owns a "green/environmental" hair salon and detox spa so we meet our mother there for hair and makeup.

LS and I debate on what style on me makes me look like an alien from "Mars Attacks" and I actually win!!! We depuff the hair a bit and I move on to makeup. My youngest niece "Libby" is the first one in the chair - and will be the last one out as her butt length hair is going to be in ringlets -0h the joys of having a mother who is a hairdresser. I would have run screaming from the chair 45 minutes into the process!

My eldest niece M&M is being transformed from a tomboy into a goddess - but not, thankfully, a tramp. That honor is being left to me. The makeup artist who is working on me is obviously nervous - given that she's doing the "Boss's" sister for the "Boss's" wedding. I come out of the experience with bland eyes and two large diagonal slashes - one on each cheek - which is suppose to be a blush. "You know we are going to have to fix that," LS says to me as we drive away. "Ya think?" I laugh. "Hooker" isn't usually a good look for a bridesmaid.

LS's stepdaughter is ready to go and when Libby finally has her corkscrews on tight, we load back into the car. Mom heads back to the hotel to wrangle my kids (including their father) and they are to meet us back at LS's house.

Ten minutes after we get through the door, it rings. We have flowers - hurray. Ten minutes after that, a photographer. I've been busy running to and from the door, tying sashes and begging little girls not to jump around - REMEMBER THE DRESS IS DELICATE LADIES!!

LS and I rebuild my face and she hopes in her dress. I get a hairy eyeball from the photographer because I'M not in my dress and I quell the urge to take her Nikon and cram it. She gets pictures of the girls, of LS, of my parents with LS, the girls with LS and then me (in my dress) lacing up the back of the dress. These are very tongue in cheek photos and include me with my foot on her butt and faking a Scarlett O'Hara moment with LS out of breath.

She takes pictures of all of us on LS's king size bed (?!?!?) and I'm forced to go into poses that no grown woman should have to do if she's not a gymnast. She gets shots of the girls JUMPING on the bed and with each bounce my mother and I clench our teeth harder, praying "Please God, just let the dresses make it through the ceremony!"

Finally, the photog is ready to leave and I have to ask "Please ma'am, may I have a photo with ma sista, please? Just one, ma'am?" Punishment for not being ready when she wanted me? Dunno, but we squeeze off two quick shots, both of which seem like unnatural poses and prominently feature my more than ample bicep. NIIIICE.

After the chaos of the photo shoot, we survey the damage and see that all four of the bridesmaids dresses are falling down in the skirts because, ironically, formal wear isn't meant to double as lounge wear.

LS immediately hauls out her sewing basket and she starts sewing some puckers into the dresses. At least she didn't have time to get nerves. We jump into the cars and head to the church 15 minutes late (and I'm assuming my sister is in a different time zone to the rest of the world because the minister insists we are 30 minutes late.)

Regardless, we are "in the house".

More to come......(don't you just hate that!!!???)

Royal Wedding Part II - Recap

Sorry it has taken so long to get pictures posted. I was trying to find images where we weren't all sweating like pigs or getting the bridesmaids dresses restitched.

Ok, so wedding recap is as follows:

1. The bride was GORGEOUS.
2. She was fashionably late at the church (because she was sewing the dresses).
3. The groom showed up - always a good thing.
4. The wedding took place.

Everything aside from that is just window dressing. But the window dressing included:
1. A really good meal.
2. BEAUTIFUL hall.
3. Very cool wedding cake/cupcake.
4. Cute "Family" ceremony.

In the end the most important thing is - they are married. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

The Royal Wedding - Part II

So tomorrow is the big day. Little Sister is getting married. It's been an interesting journey since none of us has any experience in second weddings.

We all, however, were terrified of doing something wrong when it came to etiquette.

Originally, LS wanted to get on a plane and get married down South. A beautiful island wedding that would eliminate the need for a big affair, the pressure for guests to buy presents and yet still have an amazing backdrop for her wedding with close family members.

Except my future brother-in-law has two kids and get them in and out of the country would have been a MOTHER of a problem - if you know what I mean.

The second option was to hold the wedding at my parents' home. Ironically, I wanted to have our wedding at Mom & Dad's but The Big Guy sided with my mother and they refused my father's and my pleas that we could get a tent and beat Mother Nature. So I ended up in a church. LS isn't getting her way either, since my parents are that much older and are not keen on the idea of 50+ people trotting through their home looking for the washroom that connects to the back yard septic. Flush that idea....

She was able to find a church that had been purchased and renovated by a private investor. The facility is beautiful and unique. The ceremony will take place upstairs in what was the sanctuary, then we leave for photos, followed by a reception in the lower level. Think exposed wood beams, stone walls - a very Medieval look. Once the ceremony is over, the staff will dismantle the seating and set the area up for the dance. So for anyone coming a distance, they don't have to drive until it is time to go home.

The next question was, how big a wedding is this going to be? The groom has 7 other siblings, so that answered it pretty quick. Even without friends the invite list was 36 people - including my family, the bridal party and necessary children. I believe the final count is 58 for dinner.

What about gifts? What is the appropriate wording for NOT asking for a gift. Many of the nearest and dearest of the 100 who made the final invite list had already given gifts to the bride and groom's first nuptials. I suggested donations to a local charity and anyone who was particularly adamant about giving a gift could do so. You can't stop someone from giving you a present!

Does the bride need to be "given away" again? The joke around the house lately has been that Dad gave her away the first time, and it didn't take! She's decided to walk herself down the aisle and then have a father/daughter dance. There won't be a veil, but there is one kick-ass dress and as I've mentioned previously, we have bridesmaids and ushers - though in a less conventional fashion.

I can't give away too much more for fear of being kicked out of the wedding party, but suffice it to say that the only rule about second weddings is that there are NO RULES. As long as you don't try to be too gaudy (which, let's face it, you try to avoid in first weddings too) then you are likely on the right track.

Hopefully we'll have a pix or two for posting next week.

CONGRATS LS AND C2

When More is Simply Too Much

Since when is "more" better?

I prefer to err on the side of "less" especially when it comes to public displays of affection, demonstrative actions etc. unless it is something truly funny. Funny needs to be shared.

But lavish, meh, not so much.

So I'm standing in the bridal salon that I shall not name because I'm still mad at them, waiting for the rolly polly seamstress. In the wall of mirrors I'm watching a tiny young woman leafing through wedding dresses. Honestly, she weighs about as much as my thigh. She's with her mother and while the young woman is very collegiate looking, her mother looks very tired, dishevelled and not nearly as current in her wardrobe as her daughter.

The woman sits in the middle of the room on the bench and watches her daughter fanning through the gowns and I notice she only looking at short, strappy styles. I figure she's having a small wedding and doesn't want to overpower her small frame with a large gown. In my head I'm giving this girl a lot of credit - she's going to spend about half to three-quarters what she would have spent on the larger dress.

I'm annoyed at the mother, who doesn't seem engaged in this time with her daughter. Instead of revelling the time to being with her to pick her wedding dress, the woman looks and acts like she's afraid to touch any of the dresses, and that she's not buying into the idea of the wedding at all. I'm annoyed big time. If I've learned anything in my many trips down the aisle, it's that the wedding is not about anyone other than the bride and groom - egos and attitudes need to be checked at the door.

Then grandma walks in. Wiry white hair cut bluntly that frames her face, makeup stylish appliced and a kick-ass outfit that makes the mother look even more frumpy. Her artisan jewelery plays off beautifully with the chic hand-crafted wrap and dark-wash jeans she's wearing. She looks impecable and carries herself with an air of sophistication reserved for Katherine Hepburn. As soon as the woman walks in, the young girl starts to squeal, and the mother stops talking entirely.

Grandma fawns over the young girl, pulling out various dresses and suggesting various alterations to make the dress "her own". My pleasure at seeing the older woman relishing the time with her granddaughter comes to a screeching halt when the younger female corrects the sales associate.

"Oh, this isn't my wedding dress," she said. "I already have my wedding gown."

dead air

"This is for after the service - and pictures - for the reception," she clarifies. Now I understand why Mom is hanging her head. She can't afford this. And the daughter - a recent grad, can't either. So thank goodness Money Bags showed up.

"I LOVE my dress," she said. "But I just can't imagine wearing it ALL DAY!" she gushes. "I mean it's SO big and SO heavy, I would just DIE wearing it ALL DAY - it's going to be too hot!"

What

the

hell

So you are getting married at the end of June - you've picked your dress - DON'T YOU PICK YOUR DRESS BASED ON WHEN YOU ARE GETTING MARRIED? I felt like asking, "What are you wearing, Angora wool? RAYON? PIG IRON??"

Unless this woman is marrying a multi-millionaire, she is about to start her married life under a grave misapprehension. It's clear she wasn't raised with a lot of money, but money is around her. She is having a wedding with TWO wedding gowns because, after all, didn't Jennifer Lopez or Katie Holmes do that? The cost of having a second dress was over $750 - how much did you pay for your initial gown? Likely between $1,200 - $2,500 - and I'll bet the farm it was closer to the top end amount. So now, you are looking at well over $3,000 AND TAX just for one day.

Because there was no time to order the dress in, the girl was negotiating the cost of alterations and the sales rep was having a dandy time trying to calculate how much it would cost to alter and cut down a sample dress. Grandma never blinked at the cost. She only concurred with her granddaughter - one dress simply would not DO! Mom just sat there like she was watching it all happen to strangers.

I wondered if she had tried to instill a sense of frugality in her daughter all these years, knowing she had limited resources. Had her mother then trumped her and usurped her rights as a mother when she felt she had the overpowering right as a grandmother? Did the daughter see this dynamic and play one off the other? At what point would the grandmother stand down and let this girl see things for what they are? Maybe the girl was embarassed that her mother was not in the same world as her grandmother was, but I daresay, unless her grandmother planned on supporting her for the rest of her life, the young woman's wake up call was going to greet her the morning after her honeymoon.

It's a disturbing trend, young people starting out expecting the best of everything. My parents were the most fortunate of all their friends. They had saved enough money to buy a house when they got married. Many of their friends had to rent an apartment for the first couple of years, finally saving a down payment in time for the first baby to arrive.

Homes were furnished with miss-matched furniture and dinnerware, save for the nicer items they received as wedding gifts. You worked hard and gained throughout your marriage. You had goals and dreams and set targets for yourself, including one day, GASP, buying a NEW car.

When did we decide it was ok to start at top? Newlyweds moving into homes that are fully furnished and model-home ready. Neither of their cars are more than 3 years old. A trip up north or to Niagara Falls is not be considered a worthy honeymoon, and if it didn't include either a cruise or a number of spa treatments (for both of them)it simply wasn't worth writing home about.

Methinks we need to adjust our expectations. Otherwise, what do you have to look forward to, other than a mountain of debt and a divorce decree?

Give or take an inch....

So with the Royal Wedding Part II looming on the horizon, I thought it would be a good time to haul myself into the bridal salon to get my dress on - extra five pounds and all.

Fortunately, I had been down the week before with Little Sister to try on her gown as well as help out with the three young'uns who also needed fittings. This gave me an idea of what LS was looking for and how receptive the seamstress was to change/suggestion. In a word - she's "not." Therefore, I pulled on my dress and was delighted to see the extra winter poundage means I don't have to alter a thing in the bodice, which previously was a little loose.

I'll work on the Winter Five next - I'm just glad we don't have to alter anything!

Then I pull on my shoes. Amazingly I have a pair of metallic strappy low heels - around 2 inches - that give a nice lift without making me an Amazon. As soon as I straightened up I realized, things were going to head south.

The dress was perfect for me when I was in bare feet. It's too short with the heel. Did I mention it is a floor-length dress? Oh - ya, so now we have a lovely little gap and on top of it all, when I stride you can just about see too much of my foot. Not the look for a floor-length gown.

Also, the style of the skirt is very now. The runched, slightly messy, yet elegant look. The only way it works is if it is even and distributed throughout the skirt. Mine was definitely not even or distributed. The seamstress sighs when I point out the obvious flat areas that will need to be fluffed. She groaned when I asked her to re pin an area that was poorly done and then the situation went from bad - to worse. Now the gown is easily two inches too short all the way around.

My seamstress is convinced she can "fix" this - and re pins all the gathers she has just redone to make them shallow and allow the length to fall. The skirt looks like CRAP. The week before when my niece "M&M" tried on her dress, the seamstress tried the same thing - except LS pointed out the point of the dress was the full, soft gathers and they needed to look deliberate, not pinched and hastily done. LS was getting what she wanted and I totally had her back. When you pay over $200 for a dress, sista, you might as well make sure it's what you want!

With this in mind, I know that this is the look LS is going for - I try to direct the short, rotund woman, who is now perspiring and on the verge of wheezing as she pins and re pins the skirt.

Round and round we go - pinning and re pinning. "Fixing" and re"fixing". I even suggest a different look for the skirt which she refuses to do. Now I admit, I'm no seamstress and I'm not even on friendly terms with needle and thread, so I'm conceding when I say to her "I'm going to have to call LS about this and see what she says," and head to the change room. We book an appointment for this week and I head downstairs.

There is a cloud of brides and their mammas and grandmammas all cooing and clucking and hovering. This is the kind of energy that makes me wish I worked in the bridal industry. That and the billions of dollars it makes every year.

Over the din one of the sales associates calls over to me, "How did everything to up there?" I survey the area and debate. Do I tell her I think her seamstress is past her prime? Slander the woman in front of all these customers? Do I start on a rant about how we discussed extra fabric for my dress because I'm tall and obviously they didn't do it and SHOULD HAVE? No - let's see how the "fixing" works because I'm not carrying the dress out with me and I'm not letting my mouth write cheques my bank can't cash.

So it say it. "FINE." And I leave.

After discussing with LS - she calls the salon. Speaks with one of the sales associates who pulls my file. Under height, she tells LS, it says I'm 5'8. THERE is the problem. I'm not 5'8. I don't ever say I'm 5'8 because I'm taller than that. If I say I'm shorter than I am, clothes are always the wrong proportion. I look like I'm wearing my younger sibling's wardrobe.

Now add a 2 inch heel and you've got the beginning, middle and end of the problem.

LS advises the associate that this needs to be fixed immediately. The sales associate points out that I didn't say there was a problem when I left and LS replies that it was only because I didn't want to make a scene in front of other customers - for which they should be appreciative.

So THIS week, I'm going back down to see what miracle this poor woman has had to conjure to make the floor meet my floor-length gown.

Counting the days....

So we are now past the 1 Month marker regarding the countdown to The Royal Wedding - Part II.
Plans are made, dressings are being fitted, lists have been prepared - along with, ironically enough, a speech from yours truly.

When you plan one of the biggest days of your life, you can't foresee the issues that can arise. You hope for good weather, pray the Best Man doesn't lose the rings, but there are things you just cannot imagine happening on your wedding day.

On the day I married The Big Guy, the main thing that upset him was the popping of the microphone provided by the community centre where we had our reception. To be fair, it was a loud POP, but it wasn't anything we were doing, and there didn't seem to be anything we could do to fix it. He still talks about the microphone.

I've told him there are worse things.

Back when my sister and I were being raised on a farm, we had neighbors with children roughly 5-10 years older than us. Their only daughter was getting married and the family was kind enough to invite us to the nuptials. As luck would have it, my parents alone had an invite to a second cousins' wedding, so we decided that I would take my sister to neighbor wedding and Mom and Dad would go to the family wedding.

Sis and I walked into the large United Church and noticed the church was pretty full, but seemed to be thinned out near the front. Normally as neighbors or friends of the couple, we would be seated nearer to the back, but we lucked out with seats almost directly behind where the family would sit - the 4 empty pews on the Bride's side.

Now I thought nothing of this, because often times the parents and siblings arrive just before the bride. But before you knew it, the organist was playing a rousing march, the bridesmaids were cued at the door and making their way into the sanctuary.

Ok, so maybe her parents and brothers were going to escort the bride to the front - a little avant guarde for the 1980s, but hey, whatever.

NOPE! As the bridesmaids arranged at the front of the church, the groom came across the front of the altar, up the bride's aisle and gently reached for her - walking her to the minister.

What. the. hell? Immediate a murmur rippled through the church as guests on both sides of the invite tried to figure out what happened to the Mother and Father of the Bride, the brothers...and, upon further inspection, the aunts and uncles. It looked like a pie lifter had removed the front section of the church. As the nearest neighbors, people asked my sister and I if we knew what had happened - which as young teens, we were not privy to.

But by the time we got to the reception, the word was out.

The Groom, who was a very motivated, hardworking guy, had a falling out with one of the brothers of the Bride at the rehearsal the night before. The lot of her brothers did not have the same work ethic her new husband had. There had been frustrations in the past - the groom being asked to help with a chore any one of their own three sons could have helped with, he was called upon to do things while their own boys would take days off the farm - you get the idea.

For whatever reason, words were exchanged, the final straw between them was broken and the Bride's parents announced not only would they not grace the nuptials with their presence, the would advise their families to do the same. Apparently word got out to enough of them that roughly 20 people failed to show.

The speech the Groom gave his Bride was one of the more touch, heart wrenching, sincere declarations of love I have ever heard. Without revealing the behind the scenes drama, he told her he had tried to prove his love to her throughout their years together, that he adored her and could not imagine ever leaving her side - he wanted to be there for her. He pointed out that some people have trials throughout their marriage, but if they could get over one of the biggest hurdles at the beginning, then he forecast a beautiful life together.

Everyone cried. Everyone.

I can remember telling my parents the events of the evening. Apparently my cousin's wedding was not nearly as eventful (thank God!) We all shook our heads at the logic used to boycott your daughter's wedding. Especially when you were on the short end of the argument!

Many years later, the Bride became a mommy. Time and a new baby appeared to heal old wounds and eventually she enjoyed a relationship with her parents. How comfortable her husband was with all of this, I don't know. The embarrassment of that day was never discussed again.

But there no photos of this girl with her parents on her special day. Her father was not there for her to walk her down the aisle. Her mother didn't help her get dressed. There was no speech welcoming her husband to the family. Things you can't do over or take back.

Somehow that popping mic just doesn't seem so bad.

Always a Bridesmaid

I'm getting pretty good at the Bridesmaid thing.

The first time I was in a wedding party was as a Junior Bridesmaid for my cousin. I was in Grade 7 or 8 and my gracious response to being asked was to turn to my little sister and say "See!? I TOLD you I would get to be in a wedding."

Niiiiice.

DRESS #1
I remember the stress of ordering a taller dress because I grew almost a foot from the time the dress was ordered in the spring, to the wedding in October. It was a chiffony, frothy, youthful dress with cap sleeves - very appropriate for the age of the bridal party. The flowers were horrific - artificial and sparse, to the point that you could see the oasis in the centre. The rigid plastic handle was coated with florist tape and made my hands smell. The arrangement in general left a bad taste in my mouth, so much so that I cannot imagine artificial flowers in a bridal bouquet to this day. This couple is divorced.

DRESS #2
Another cousin, this time I'm about 5 years older and getting ready to go to college. I'm the youngest bridesmaid (again) by far and also the tallest. The dresses are strapless and COTTON! Almost the same color and flower pattern as DRESS #1, but two diagonal ruffles make it MUCH more mature. We carry boutiques of lilies, which is my first tell tale sign that I have raging allergies. The pollen makes me carry the flowers as low and away from my face as possible. We have ratty looking pieces of net tucked into our hair and the color pulled out as the accent is Teal. My father is also in the wedding party but we are not partnered, unfortunately, as there is a difference between an usher with experience and a guy who is just showing up for the free bar. Guess which one I got....? He didn't realize he couldn't wear his Jesus sandals with a tux. The upside - I get my first ride in a limo - oh, and The Big Guy came as my date and asked me that night if I would consider marrying him at some point down the road. Yup - great dress! This couple is still together.

SIDE NOTE: I actually DO wear this dress again - have a cute white bolero jacket made and wear this to my future brother-in-law's wedding (and they are still together!!). I actually have some one come up to me and ask if I'm a MODEL. Ok, so, they were drunk....STILL COUNTS!!! I wear it again to my college graduation - again with the jacket. In essence, for an expensive cotton dress, it paid for itself.

DRESS #3
A friend from college called me up to catch up one day and told me she was getting married. I conveyed my congratulations and she replied, "Thanks! Do you want to be in the wedding party?" Thinking this was an option based response opportunity I said, "Oh that's ok, I'm sure you have plenty of family you'll want to have stand up with you." The silence indicated she didn't and she meant that to be my official invite to the bridal party... It became pretty evident that I was asked to participate based on my organizational skills, the fact that I had previous experience and I didn't horrify her when I put on a dress. It's too bad the dress she picked was pretty horrific. Navy shot with black, this dress was dark, didn't breath well and had a dropped hem at the back. This presented a problem as I was the tallest girl (again) and my hem didn't brush the floor like the rest of the dresses. Cha-Ching$$ I get to order more fabric. We carry artificial flowers (again) and I vow to myself that I will NEVER consider plastic and fabric flowers good enough for a bridal bouquet. Especially DARK NAVY BLUE FLOWERS. The usher I was paired with was homely, anti-social and at times, rude. The highlight of this wedding was the Blue Jays won their first World Series Championship - none of the guys (and me when I could help it) were on the dance for as they/we were crammed into the bar area where the bartender had brought in a little portable TV. I figured it was fair turn about, since the bride walked up to me during the meal and informed me I had to give a speech to the groomsmen, as the maid of honor who was little if any help during the showers and wedding prep, was also too illiterate to speak in front of a room of family and friends... The couple is still together.

DRESS #4
I'm married by this time (more on that another time) and I'm a pro when it comes to the ins and outs of weddings, bridesmaids dresses and the like. I know when someone says "Now THIS dress you can wear again!" most times they are lying. In the case of this wedding, I actually REALLY liked the dress and still have it, in the off chance I can find a way to wear it again. Dark green sheath, off the shoulder runched portrait collar/off the shoulder. Has a broach on the hip where the runching comes off the shoulder, down the bodice and hits the hip. Very clean and classy. Had a blast in this wedding and was the luckiest girl for having not one, but TWO ushers to partner with - both of whom were a kick. Real flowers, thank God, and although they are lilies, they don't seem to bother me as much. We do photos before the ceremony which is unsettling to say the least, but it didn't seem to jinx the day - this couple is still together.

DRESS #5
When my childhood friend got engaged and asked me to be in her wedding party, I automatically knew what color the dresses would be - PURPLE. Now, not Barney purple, but more of a deep lilac. Easily the best flowers ever - the bride's aunt owned a flower shop - but the dress was the most expensive to date. Made by a seamstress who couldn't seem to make the style work on me without making me look like a football player, the purple dress had puffy sleeves, a sweetheart neckline and full skirt. Again, the tallest - I need extra fabric. Any shot of me looks like I'm the bride's bodyguard. The upside - got to hang all day with the bride's brother - a dear friend, who has unfortunately had the experience of babysitting me. It was all fun and laughs until the photographer made the bride emotional and I was convinced her two military trained brothers were going to rip him limb from limb - since they threatened to do just that. This couple got divorced.

DRESS #6
This is my sister's first wedding and I'm the Matron of Honor - appropriate since I look every "inch" a "Matron". As mentioned previously, I'm still hormonal from giving birth three months previous. The color is nice - gold, and the empire waist is very forgiving. The scoop neck, however, highlights my engorged assets and I padded my nursing bra to prevent leaks on top of it all. You could have set dinner on my chest. We carry a single rose, which is very nice and minimal, except I needed a wheelbarrow full of peonies to camoflague the ass I have grown. The shortest guy in the wedding party is the Best Man and we look like I could kill him if a shift my weight or decide to eat him. This couple got divorced.

DRESS #7This outfit didn't actually get worn because I had to cancel as a bridesmaid. A navy blue dressy short and tailored top - it was a little unorthodox because I was 6 months preggers with Second Born Son and it's a September wedding in Florida. My childhood friend was getting married for a second time and thinking that I was not the bad luck omen that tanked the first union, asked me to be her attendant in her second nuptials. I had to back out about a month before due to some quirkiness in my pregnancy that made flying a little riskier. This couple is still together.

DRESS #8
Can't tell you about this one until after May 21 2010!!! Stay tuned!!!

Want a chuckle, check out uglydress.com - "Tatoos & Skanks" is hilarious!!!

Royal Wedding Part II

For anyone perceptive enough to care, there is a small box on the right side of the screen that has been entitled "Countdown to the Royal Wedding Part II" with the number of days that diminishes every couple of days.

This is how long it is until my Little Sister's wedding. The second one. May 21 2010 is the big day - she thought people wouldn't mind taking off EARLY on a long weekend to come to the wedding, but would be severely PISSED if they had to lose a Saturday afternoon. Well played young lady, well played!

The first wedding was actually supposed to be in May, but a conflict in the groom's employment (he was being transferred) meant they needed to bump it to November - losing six months of planning and prep time.

To her credit, she managed to execute a great day with help from our Mother and it was without a doubt, the LEAST snow I've ever seen on a November day. We actually took pictures outside! Her spring dress was modified with gauntlets which allowed her to avoid nastiness with the bridal salon and still have the gown she wanted.

I was her Matron of Honor - HEAVY on the Matron - and come to think of it HEAVY MATRON OF HONOR! I had given birth to FBS only three months earlier and I didn't have the benefit of a SWAT team of trainers, nutritionists and stylists who could whip my new mommy ass into shape. It had a shape alright, but let's just say, it was pleasingly covered by the Empire-waisted gown LS selected. The chest was another matter entirely.

As I was nursing FBS (and could have wet nursed half of maternity ward) I had a substantial chestal-region. The scoop neck design would have been flattering pre-baby as my modest endowment can use all the help it can get. However, by the time the wedding day arrived, you could have set dinner on my chest.

I can remember standing in the seamstress's living room and saying to her "The next time you get married, could it not be three months after I have a baby???" Said it jest...OF COURSE.

But fate has a weird way of jumping in sometimes.

10 years later, my sister is no longer married. 12 years later - she is planning her second wedding to a guy we all agree is a great (and better) match for her. More on that Twilight Zone pairing another time.

Once again she's asked me to stand up for her. I have promised myself I will not come out with any asinine comments that will harpoon her happiness. Because she has two kids, and he also has two, the kiddies are going to be involved in the wedding. I, am basically the Kid Wrangler...

So I find myself blindsided into trying on bridesmaids dresses again. We are staying away from Gold (the first color scheme) and I objected to empire waists. I actually have one of my own now, and won't mind having something a little more fitted.

Style is the issue now. Good luck trying to find something that will look nice on a 13-year-old (my eldest niece) that WON'T make her 38-year-old aunt look like she should be swinging off a pole!?! Conversely, anything that is flattering on me is definitely not anything a young teen would be caught DEAD in.

Finally we agreed on a style and colors (I won't tell you anything until after because that is BAD FORM!) And we move ahead.

I wasn't as involved in planning the first time around because admittedly, I was a little pre-occupied with the whole first time Mom thing. Now, it's old hat and I'm ready to dive in with both feet.

So from time to time, I'll give you little anecdotes, because I'm certain there will be many to come!

108 DAYS UNTIL THE ROYAL WEDDING - PART II!!!!!!