Spreading the Good Word - of a fashion

There are some things you never discuss in polite conversation, Politics and Religion are usually at the top of that list.

Ironically, I feel I can talk about just about anything with anyone. It's HOW you talk about it that determines the success of the conversation. You can believe whatever you want, and we can share our opinions, but I'm not going to cram anything down your throat and in spite of how hard you may try, you won't be cramming anything down mine! Maybe we'll both learn something.

So when it comes to how a person demonstrates their faith, you could consider me more of a behind the scenes kind of gal, rather than a front and centre with a spotlight.

I absolutely believe in God. And Jesus. And even if you want to argue the validity of the Bible, I would suggest the meaning is there, if the message seems to be a bit handed down.

For me, living my belief is most important. Case in point.

Got my new truck (Santa Fe) back in February. Two weeks later, I bump (literally - a gentle slide) into another vehicle on an icy street when I'm backing out of a driveway. It was parked and unattended. I got out and had a look. I take pictures (because I always seem to have my camera around at the right time - lol!) and go to the house. I give the owner the info - it's a young mother and she's almost in tears, so grateful that I've come in to "confess" and not simply drive off.

I get home. The Big Guy is understandably upset. He says "Why didn't you just drive away if no one saw you?? Do you know how much this is going to cost?!?" (Keep in mind we have JUST bought the truck, taxes are due and both boys have $$ hockey tournaments around the corner - oh, ya and my sister is getting married in two months...) I look him calmly in the eye and say "Because that wasn't the Christian thing to do!"

I told him about the young mom and how I figure we can afford to fix her car easier than she can, and I simply couldn't expect to raise my kids to do the "right" thing, if I couldn't. IMMEDIATELY, he felt SO bad for what he had said, admitted it was likely the proper thing to do, but was still sullen about it.

The upside....(read here - GOD AT WORK) the body man agreed to fix both vehicles at COST! $100 for mine (it's a tank - you can't hurt it) and $500 for hers. It would have EASILY been $3,000 at full price and our insurance would have been impacted if we claimed it. In the end - doing the RIGHT thing was cheaper!!! THAT is my belief. THAT is what I feel I need to do to spread "The Word". My husband, my children, my family will know how to do what God would want us to do - and hopefully others will see what we do and will conduct themselves accordingly.

The Gospel According to Me...now where's the Offering Plate?!

In Praise of the Momma Bear

A friend of mine is hurting right now.

Without coming out with an "I told you so", I'm trying to be as supportive as I can. It involves her daughter and a relationship she is just getting out of. The boy she was with is a complex character - he's hurt other people, including First Born Son with his unique talent of bullying and mind games.

When my friend told me last fall they were an "item" she asked me about him. Without hesitation I said "Remember all that stuff I told you happened to FBS and that other kid....HE was the OTHER KID!"

Now there were two options here. She could have said "Dear Gawd, I'll put an end to this at once!" or "Well, let's see how this plays out." She chose the latter since she felt strongly about developing her own opinions and experiences with this teen.

I admitt - I've done this myself. Just because you've had a problem with someone, doesn't mean that I will. Maybe you were hitting him/her the wrong way. Maybe there are other people involved in the problem you are having? Who knows!

But in a more severe case as this, I hope I would be open to listening to someone else's advice. The sad part is, a relationship between these two kids has hurt the friendship between her daughter and FBS as well as strained the friendship the mother and I enjoyed.

Be that as it may - it's over now. The boy in question has now moved into familiar territory, name calling, rallying the troups, poisoning friendships and being hurtful to this girl in particular. Why did things change? Because he found out she was friends with a boy he didn't think she should be friends with! Yes, control issues can be evident before the age of 16!!!

The girl has moved on and is "dating" a boy who is much more stable, low-key and genuinely cares for her. We all know this is supposed to be a carefree time in a kid's life, but the antics of the past few weeks has put a cloud over this girl.

Hopefully she'll learn from the experience and not repeat her mistakes. Because her Ex is bound to repeat them...

Dollars and Sense

At times when I'm faced with spending a quantity of cash, and right now that would be for a house, but in the past we're talking; vehicles, Christmas - I get very cranial about people and their relationship with money.

I believe in every relationship there is the "Saver" and there is "Spender". In my marriage, I'm the latter. This is mostly due to the fact that I have the task of buying groceries and household items, clothing for the children and am genuinely interested in consumerism. Note I did not say "consumed". But there are different kinds of Savers like there are different kinds of Spenders.

A woman I know is currently not in the workforce, mostly by her own choosing. Her husband has taken ill and in spite of the fact that they have a very comfortable lifestyle in suburban T.O., they are now starting to feel the crunch. He can't earn the coin and she's chosen not to. She prefers to shop. This is a Toxic Spender. I would classify myself more in the Gathering Spender category. I can go days without even thinking about buying something - including groceries, but when we run out of something, it is inherently my job to acquire or "Gather" it.

Because The Big Guy and I work FREAKIN' hard at more than one job, we have evolved in our relationships with money. For me, when it comes time to make a larger purchase, such as our truck earlier this year, I'm all about doing the research. I will scour the Internet, magazines, ask others for input and general become a Private Investigator, looking for any and all information relating to the item I'm looking to buy. Did it with my camera, the fridge, dishwasher, flooring....you get the idea.

But when it comes time to seal the deal, lay down the cash TBG and I have very different reactions. Because he works so hard for his money, he feels a certain frustration - could be in how much he feels the item is actually worth, how long it has taken him to earn that much cash or just the fact that he'd rather see it come in than go out. In short, he's not the kind of guy you want to have around when you go Christmas shopping.

I've chosen a different path. I knew how expensive my camera was going to be before I bought it. I could have chosen a more moderately priced model, but the reviews were better for the one I selected and the price tag was justified. I knew I was going to be able to make money with the camera and had the entire thing paid for in just over a year. The day I bought that camera I was like a kid in a candy store.

When I signed the paperwork to take ownership of my new truck, I was positively giddy - not because I was being immature, but because I work for every dime I earn and if I don't get enjoyment out of spending that dime, the the time I spent earning it was wasted.

Now I'm not giving the "all clear" for people to spend what they don't have. The hole gets deep quick when you are going in, and even more challenging when you have to try and get out! I'm talking about the natural progression of ones lifestyle and the needs and demands we all have.

Most of us work because we HAVE to. While if I won the lottery, I must admit, I would likely take some time away from the 9 to 5, I would still volunteer. But the reward of work is not just the satisfaction of a job well done. Cash is the great motivator. What do you use that cash for? To acquire things, be it food, shelter or "other".

To work 3/4 of your life and not enjoy the spoils of what that toil affords you is indeed a waste of an existence.

The only part of my life that can relate to The Bachelor

I admit, I'm not the best at being in "limbo".

Actually, I really suck at it. I'm a "take charge" kind of personality. Not that I have to be the one at the head of the pack - although I have been. I'm totally ok with adding my pull to someone else's lead.

So waiting for an offer on the house is a bit of a bummer. I remain rather objective about the entire thing - again - what will be, will be. But harping after the kids on summer holidays about keeping the house at roughly 80% cleanliness is tough on the family dynamic. Not to mention, the a/c conked out in the midst of a FREAKIN' heat wave. Not good for showings - or our dispositions.

We have had two viewings in two weeks - both out of town agents, and neither of whom bothered to "report back". Apparently this is very bad form in Real Estate etiquette. We had a near-miss on a bidding war with another buyer who moved in on the house we were looking at. And suddenly, I had a revelation.... This is what it's like to be on The Bachelor.

All these women are vying for the attention of one man. You can tell by the numbers that the odds aren't great - BUT, they are in it for the chance it COULD be them. At some point during the process, it stops being about falling "in luv" and more about being the winner. That's where these experiences are the same.

The sense of entitlement one gets when faced with the prospect of losing out on an opportunity to someone else is rather powerful. The Big Guy and I discussed what our ceiling was, what the value of the property was, what the potential for the property and the neighborhood was. We put in our offer. So did the other couple.

Both offers were returned - apparently they were virtually the same and the vendor is looking to see how far he can take this. We discuss adding to the pot, the fact that we can't remove our condition. We agree to resubmit our last offer and if it ain't good enough, then that's all she wrote.

I chastise myself for getting ahead of the game. You shouldn't covet what isn't yours - and in this case - AND THE BACHELOR - it can result in frustration and even heartache. Don't imagine what Christmas would look like in the living room. Don't fantasize about him proposing - you are still in the "group" phase.

Yesterday our agent called - we got the house. The 30 second happy dance was quickly replaced with - holy shit - we've got to sell THIS house! Ironically, the office called this morning, another showing is booked for this week - that's three shows in three weeks, in case you are keeping track. It's probably asking too much to hope there would be a decent offer....

But after all - there is one girl who gets the ring at the end!

DISCLAIMER - I don't watch The Bachelor, or The Bachelorette - I just pick up enough of what I need to know from the commercials and non-stop crap that is out there on the Internet. I can't afford to lose the few brain cells I have left by actually watching it!!!!

Closed Door on Open House Policy

So Day 10 rolls around as our little house practically sparkles, it so clean. Many cars have rolled past, barely creeping along the street, then take off again. Conversation with friends and family begins with "So have you had anybody go through the house yet?"

And the answer is "No". The Big Guy and I aren't sure if we should take it personally or not, but at the risk of being a micro manager, I include this vein of conversation with our agent. After clearing the air about some other matters, I ask....

"So, what should we expect with regard to bookings? Like is there a ration per week or per month?"

"No, it varies," he assures me.

"Ok, well what do you think about having an Open House?" I continue. This was put to me by my sister-in-law who has done the buy/sell thing a couple of times.

"In 25 years of selling Real Estate, I have yet to sell a house at or because of an Open House. In urban areas, it's pretty much the ONLY way to buy a house. People actually go out to shop for houses by going to Open Houses. In my opinion, it's just a chance for your neighbors to come in and nose around your stuff. But if you really want to do the Open..."

"Uh - NO." I state firmly. "You got me at "nosy neighbors".

He tells me we will be in the next edition of the paper, which apparently always generates interest (Who knew? Certain not me!) and tells me he expects I'll have a viewing at some point in the next couple of days.

Sure enough - yesterday the message was left that people want to see our house. OUR HOUSE!! We all do a little happy dance and then reality sets in. We have to orchestra an INCREDIBLY efficient evening if we are going to pull this off. Meetings, swimming lessons, ball games - we have to weave these all in between strangers coming to look at our stuff!!!! The Big Guy and I orchestra a massive touch up to get the house in tip top shape, and we fall in to bed around midnight, wondering what the odds are of the first people going through the house making a decent offer.

Cuz I don't know how long we can keep the house this clean!

So....NOW what do you want to do?

If I close my eyes, I am back on the front steps of the house. You can't stand on that little porch any more because we put a much larger deck across the front.

I remember walking into the house and the furniture was all over the place, randomly positioned. There was a strange glow to everything - like the lighting was wrong and there was a haze in the air. I was convinced this was April, but apparently, it was November!

Each room had it's own unique look - pink shag with hot pink walls in one room, matching green shag and walls in another, so naturally, the third room was blue. There was no character to the house. It was just over 1,000 sq ft. and from the outside, looked like a big peach box with a bright "Farmer Green" roof. The main living area was an odd shade of Harvest Yellow that matched the rather dated linoleum floor in the kitchen and the dark brown shag carpet adjacent to it. Once we moved in, we would soon realize the walls were actually off-white. The nicotine stains from the farmer's heavy smoking had stained all the walls with a very antique layer of crap that had to be scrubbed off before we started to paint.

I was keen to buy, not because it was a fabulous piece of real estate (mind you the lot was HUGE by town comparisons - but nary a tree for privacy.) but because The Big Guy wouldn't set a date for the wedding until we had a house. He was afraid people would think we weren't going to start life off right if we didn't have a home. The plan was to rent it out for a year or so, then freshen it up for our new life together. (Don't get me going on the perils of waiting 2 years and 2 months to get married!)

We came back the next day - because this particular house was going to be sold by AUCTION. The family of the late owner, a farmer...surprise, surprise....had his entire estate ready to spread out on the lawn.

The Auctioneer stopped the bidding twice because the minimum asking price was not reached. We recognized two of the opposing bidders and fumed - more retired farmers with more coin than we hoped to have in a lifetime - bidding up this plain little house. The Big Guy had veins popping all over the place - could have been because he'd never bid on anything in his entire life, never mind a HOUSE! I removed myself from the stress by walking the lot and spending a lot of time in the area where our children now have a sandbox.

Finally, we got the winning bid. We were home owners. It was a combination of wanting to jump up and down and scream, and projectile vomit.

We became a couple at this house. We became a family here too. We raised plants, dogs and then kids. When we outgrew the house, we adding roughly 200 sq ft. and made the plain little house a smart little bungalow, complete with a custom kitchen and massive master bedroom with en suite bathroom.

We entertained friends here. Had our babies first birthdays here. Their heights are marked on the stud in the basement. The Big Guy has fixed all the quirky things about the house and he knows where all the pipes are buried.

But today, it's going on the real estate market.

And - maybe nothing will happen. It's truly a fishing expedition. We have found another house, that needs some love and attention, but there is more space for TBG's modest landscape business. It's in a beautiful area of town with views in three directions. I've always liked the idea of being up on a hill - to see far away from where I am. I also want to live on the water. Not sure how to make this work - but given the river is not far from either of these houses - I'm going to take it!

First Born Son and Second Born Son are equally jazzed at the idea and have tackled their rooms with a zeal rarely seen. I will spend the weekend packing up personal photos and items that should not be left lying around when strangers come through your home.

As I signed the paperwork to list the house, I had an instant flashback to the day I signed the paperwork to buy the house - two feet away from where I was sitting. Life is an interesting journey and if this is meant to be, it will be.

If not, I will gladly hunker down in my little house for many more years.

The Royal Wedding - Part II Recap - The Saga Continues

All perched on the stairs, the girls did well. Then the music starts - Soul Sister by Train. Unorthodox, yes. Perfect for LS and her groom. Each girl slips down the aisle and takes her place, then LS glides down the aisle.

As long as I've known her, she's had a nervous giggle. She laughs at the most inopportune times. And there she was, a vision of blonde curls and champagne colored fabric smiling and giggling her way down to her groom. We later learn that there is a bet between my two nieces on who will cry first - the bride or the groom. It's pretty much a tie as the groom steps forward to bring her to the minister.

The Pastor is a long-time friend of the family, who immediately puts everyone at ease. He infuses humor and radiates sincerity. The Best Man, who is the father of the groom, appreciates the sense of humor and rests on a strategically placed stool so he can participate in the ceremony, but still be comfortable. Mid way through the service the Ring Bear - the Groom's son, has to pit stop, but makes it back in time for the Family Vows the Bride and Groom have each written. Following the marriage vows, exchange of rings and "the kiss" - we sign the register and the minors follow their parents to a table set up behind the Pastor. Each one has a vial of colored sand and each member of the family pours the sand into a larger vase, signifying the joining of two families.

Finally, it's done. We leave the church and congregate on the steps of the building for a group shot. And another. And another. Then it's the groom's family - and another, and another, and....I lose track. The Bride's family gets in for a shot or two, then the bridal party is hauled off to an orchard where the photographer makes the group jump through dandelions while navigating thistles and at this point I'm resigned to thinking - these dresses are friggin' toast.

After more than a hour of photo time, I take the kids back to the hall where the caterer is patiently waiting. With the service starting late and running a little longer than estimated, we are now over 45 minutes behind. I was given the impression the Bride & Groom are soon to follow and we carry on, and watch the clock mark another 20 minutes. I'm about to get back in the car to locate them, when they walk in the door.

In spite of the huge delay, dinner is excellent. The hall is beautiful with stone and timber accents, wrought iron fixtures and a lovely feeling of the medieval. Also medieval is the MC's ability to keep to the script. We are off track and off schedule immediately following my speech, which happens to be the first one. It started out as a roast, but ended up as a touching tribute to my little sister and her ability to persevere for all the right reasons.

My boys did me proud by doing a mock "swearing in" of their new uncle - asking him to swear on a Bible that he would - among other things "Promise to show them how to drive a motorcycle!" First Born Son then blew me away with a poem he wrote during the meal. As the Bride and Groom needed a song or a poem to be prompted to kiss, FBS simply scribbled on out - and it was FRIGGN' AWESOME! LS wants a copy to keep.

As speeches can get out of hand, the one thing the Bride and Groom asked was that the floor not be opened up for just anyone. The groom's large family would have hours of stories about the childhood of their youngest sibling, and the happy couple felt it would only necessary for one or two people to speak and keep the night moving.

It moved along for those who smoked, as the MC attempted two smoke breaks! Finally the newlyweds addressed their guests and thanked everyone for their support - the Bride's speech showing considerably more preparation and depth than the Groom's whose basically comprised of - "Ya, what she said!" Typical man.

While most Victoria Day weekends are desperately cold, rainy affairs, this one was hot and muggy. In spite of air conditioning, the hall was stifling and the music was LOUD. A combination of the decibels and the beginning of the long weekend meant some guests left early, allowing us to wrap up the dancing around midnight. Given the lack of sleep I and the Bride had, we were not disappointed in the slightest. The highlight of the festivities was the "She Wolf" dance where the Bride and her attendants danced a choreographed number which resulted in the Bride seating the Groom who then "helped" her with her garter.

So all in all - good times, good fun, little glitches, but hey - it wouldn't be a family event without one or two hiccups!!!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!